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    October, 2006

    不想爱上任何人

         看透风景的人,原来只有一双冷漠的眼睛,看透世间炎凉。一些杜绝语言的厌倦,一切失去期待的决然,没有人可以让我爱 ,也不想爱上任何人也许是我不想再牵挂太多的人,不想再感受那些苦苦等待的日子。
         不再相信爱情的人,只是因为曾经沧海桑田的心情,已不是常人能体会的。不想不是爱上一个人,不是不想跟一个人同甘共苦。如果真的有个男人值得我深爱,为他我可以众叛亲离,为他抵命都是幸福的。但是,真的没有这么一个男人,没有任何一个男人值得我去这么做。
         可是当绿色的草地与湛蓝的天空相伴的时候,当心情随风飞扬的时候,心底会有个声音问我,难道你的生命就只该有一个种颜色?时光任我挥霍,猛然回首间,我已不再年轻,黯然神伤,我的生命究竟为何存在?所以我必须好好打算只有我自己的生活了。
         过去是在不断发生中的,我们没有办法去懂得珍惜,等回过头的,一切都已经晚了。 
         有关心的朋友告诉我,从朋友发展而来的恋人是最单纯的,最平淡同时也是最幸福的。但是,我很少把时间花在已经认识的朋友上,因为我认为朋友就是朋友,变了味道之后的他,在我的心就已经没有位置了,我不想因为一个恋人而失去一个朋友。
         我经常问自己,到底是自己不能够爱别人,还是别人不能够爱我?通常是没有答案的。这个问题也许是毫无意义的。也许我只是在等待。。。

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